everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dick very happy bro
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
