I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
