Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Panties = found
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