We're facebook friends in real life
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
