who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
