Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
