Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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