It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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