I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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