She is in my trunk
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
