i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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