that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
