he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
