Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
