plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
