the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
