i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
