I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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