all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
