i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
