woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
