Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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