Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well you can't waste a boner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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