I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
