Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
