You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
