Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
