I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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