I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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