a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
