Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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