i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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