Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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