I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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