we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
