mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
