Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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