Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
