This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
