Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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