They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
