A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
