And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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