All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
