It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My liver is preforming stress tests.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
