You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
