So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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