it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
FUCK WHALES
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