Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
