I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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