I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
